I miss me today.

I miss me today. The old me.

The me that didn’t find being creative difficult- who could sit and scrapbook as if the ideas would never stop flowing. Who didn’t mind getting out the inks and stamps and other items I loved to create with, instead of finding it too much work.

I miss the me that had the energy to go to two different grocery stores to get the needed ingredients for dinners that I made. From scratch. Who could chop up a head of lettuce for a salad. The me that made decent meals instead of just chicken. Or just hamburger. The me who also made a salad or some veggies or rice to accompany the main part of the meal.

I miss the me that read 103 books in 11 months, just to prove that I could.

I miss the real me. The one that wasn’t an imposter in my own body.

I miss the me that got up in the morning and got ready for school or work, or the day, without calculating how long I would need to shower, brush my teeth, and do my hair, if I took breaks in between each task. Who loved make-up. Who never left the house without mascara. I didn’t need anything else to feel “put together”- just mascara, and I felt naked without it. These days I wear mascara when I know I’m seeing people I want to show that I’m “ok”. It’s become part of the façade.

Sometimes I wonder if these lost parts of me will come back. Logically, I know they will when the depression subsides. I just don’t know when that will be. Those parts of me are still in me somewhere… Buried. Sleeping. Waiting.




One thought on “I miss me today.

  1. Your post made me reflect. Since I have been trying to work on my depression, I kind of just accepted that certain parts of me died due to the length and severity of my unaddressed episodes. I am now focusing on the things I can do but they do not satisfy me as much as the the things I lost. Perhaps I am just clinging on to the memories and refusing to accept reality.


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