I worry a lot that I’m lazy. It’s something that keeps me up at night. As I mentioned in my last post, I was recently up trying to google whether or not I was lazy or depressed. I didn’t get a lot of answers… but when I talked to my counselor about the fear that I’m lazy, she said something to me that has been so helpful in reducing my guilt over the effort that life takes. She said:
You’re not lazy. I know because of how painful it is for you that you can’t do the things you want to do.
It’s like a light went on at that moment. If I was lazy, I wouldn’t agonize over the fact that it takes me two attempts to do the dishes or empty the dishwasher. I wouldn’t beat myself up for choosing to make lunches for my husband that don’t require me to cut chicken up, because it seems like too much work. I wouldn’t care that I need to rest after showering before I have the energy to brush my teeth.
I care. I care immensely about all the things I want to do, that take far too much effort. If I was lazy, I wouldn’t care.
So I tell myself repeatedly, that I care. That I am not lazy, I’m just struggling a little bit right now. And it helps. Any maybe, just maybe, if you’re wondering if you’re lazy, maybe Dr. Jo’s words will help you too.